Friday, June 25, 2010


“It rainin out there … angels havin tears of joy that they get to hold baby Audrey today.”
 -Chad, May 10, 2010

I received that text from Chad on the day Audrey died.  He had gone to the flower shop to buy roses for Audrey.  When we woke up that morning he realized he had not bought her flowers, and he loves to buy flowers for all his girls.  This was his last opportunity to buy them for Audrey and walking by a window he noticed it was raining. 

Every rainy day makes me think of that day.  The room we sat in with Audrey that day was on the corner of the building so we were surrounded by windows.  It was not storming, just constant steady rain as we said good-bye to our little angel.  A dreary day here.  A beautiful day in Heaven as she joined the Lord and was made perfect.

Sometimes I hate the rain now.  But most of the time I am thankful for what God has done to bring me to my knees.  I am not thankful that he took my little girl, but if that is what He thought was best then I have to believe it was.  I never really thought of it the way Mercy Me expresses it in their song, “Bring the Rain.”

"Bring The Rain"
-Mercy Me

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray

Holy, holy, holy
Is the Lord God Almighty 

Oh how thankful I am that I gave my life to Jesus Christ long ago.  It does make me wish I had worked harder at getting to know Him and becoming more like Him since that day.  But today, in this storm I am facing, HE is my shelter.  HE is my strength. 

If I never had to face a trial, I would never learn the beauty of leaning on the Lord.  And what a blessing I would be missing if I never had to cry out to Him!  

Wow … that was really hard to say, but I know it and I mean it!

I am suffering, but I have peace and strength from the Lord.  And I remind myself that Jesus had to suffer so that I could have that peace and strength.  And don't forget that promise He made to us, never to give us more than we can handle ... with HIS help, of course!
1 Corinthians 10:13  "There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it." (emphasis mine)

This is something I wrote after returning home from Disney:
On the way home from Florida on Tuesday night we saw a lot of heat lightning.  It reminded me of the time when I was a child and we were traveling home from visiting family in Arlington, Ohio, about a half hour drive from where we lived.  I distinctly remember that there was a lot of lightning, but no rain, and I was scared that it was Jesus returning for the born again believers and I was not sure if I was going with Him.  It wasn’t long after that time that I realized I was not completely sure of my salvation.  After youth group one Wednesday night I made it right.  I had given my testimony in front of the group for extra credit during our summer program.  On the way home Mom asked me what I said, and after telling her what I thought my testimony was she corrected my story that Dad had actually talked with me and not her.  And also that we were in my brothers' room and not mine.  That did not leave my mind for one second that evening.  Later I was lying in bed, watching the cars drive by out my window on State Route 12, and I truly realized my need to give my life to Christ.  There in my bed I asked Him to forgive me of my sins and to come into my heart and save me. 
So two nights ago when I saw the heat lighting, it brought back this memory, but this time it made me hope that it was Him returning for us.  I was hoping the trumpets would sound shortly after and we would all be together again.  
I remember wanting Jesus to wait to come because I had so many things I wanted to experience before going to Heaven. I wanted to get married, have a family, watch my kids grow up…so many plans.  But now it is so different.  I want Christ to come back tonight, I want this suffering and the pain of this life to end and for all of us to be together again in Heaven.  I know I should long to see Jesus first, but my human nature takes over and I cannot deny that I long to see Audrey so much more than anything else about Heaven right now.  But I also believe that when I do get to Heaven and am transformed into my glorious body my human nature will be gone, and at that moment I will want to see Jesus more.  Revelation 22:20 "Even so, come, Lord Jesus."

Do you know that you will be ready when the "heat lightning" starts, when it really is Jesus coming for the Redeemed?  I hope you do!  And if you don't, there is a way you can know.  Please please please do not let another day go by without asking someone about the gift Jesus is offering to us.  


1 comment:

  1. What a sweet text your hubby sent to you. And I love that Mercy Me song along with "Homesick" and many others. One day Jesus is going to make all things new!! I so look forward to that day! Just think, the first Adam brought us sin and death, but the second Adam, Jesus Christ, brought us life forever. I am forever grateful for that. I'm praying that the Lord will continue to use your suffering to strengthen you and most of all, glorify Him! Love you!!