Saturday, July 10, 2010

Struggling

The past week or so has been really tough.  Today marks 2-months from when Audrey died, and I thought it might get easier or might be better.  It really isn't.  The pain is not as sharp and the shock has worn off, but now I am learning to deal with the loss of our beautiful little daughter, and the loss of our dreams and plans.  My heart breaks when I watch Ella too.  Today we went to the mall and ran into several babies.  She is so interested in any baby she sees, and she asked one lady if her baby came out early.  Of course this starts the whole conversation about how Audrey came early but now she is in heaven.  I am thankful for the way she is expressing herself so openly now, but it is hard to have to watch her as she misses her sister so badly.  But I am also glad that she tells everyone her baby sister is in heaven, and maybe God will even use her as a witness to someone!

...Who would've thought???

None of us expect anything like this to happen, and that is a good thing because God's grace is there exactly when we need it. It is never early and it is never late.  That tells me that I better be depending on Him at all times!  And there really is no reason to worry about what could happen.  I remember doing this, thinking there is no way I could get through if Audrey condition was and we lose her.  And I also remember reminding myself that God had not taken her from us at that time, so of course I would not be able to understand how I could handle that...but I didn't need that grace until later.  In the place where I am now, I am so thankful that His strength is there, and His peace will accompany His plans for me.  {Jeremiah 29:11}

Today I had the honor of hosting a shower for Jennifer and Kylie!  It was a great time and I am so thankful for the friends who came to offer their congratulations and love to Jennifer as they begin this new chapter of their lives.  We are all so excited to meet Kylie and to welcome her into life here in Murfreesboro.  We know she will be saturated with love from her mom, dad, and brother and many others as well!




I hope you all have a great day tomorrow as you worship our Lord and Savior.
Blessed be His name.

Love,
Becca

3 comments:

  1. Becca - I'm still keeping you in my prayers. I love that you keep blogging honestly.

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  2. Becca,

    I remember the 2 month mark being extremely difficult for us as well. I'm so amazed at the strength God gives you, especially being able to host a shower for my 3 year old daughter and me. Thank you for your kindness. Psalm 31:23-24, "Love the LORD, all his saints! The LORD preserves the faithful...be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD."

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  3. I enjoyed the shower you hosted for Jennifer. It was such a sweet and wonderful time of fellowship! I, too, am looking forward to meeting their precious Kylie whom we've all prayed for for so long. God is good!!!

    Still praying for you Becca as you grieve and rejoice in Audrey and her sweet little life.

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