Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Out of Focus

I have noticed lately that I am healing and able to remember things, I can make my "to do" list for the day and actually complete it.  Life has started to take on a new enjoyment, and in the midst of my thoughts and longing for Audrey I have found ways to enjoy life again.
Those hard moments still come, sometimes even the hard days, but for some reason the peace that passes all understanding is still...well, doing that.  I still do not understand how I could have such peace, but I do.

And then as I get busy with all the things of life that surround me, I start to put of my time with God.  I remember back in the think of this trial we are experiencing that God's Word was the one and only thing that I wanted at certain times, and I never want that to change.  We are such a self and earthly focused society that it is easy to start putting God off and even lose that desire to keep learning.  I am so glad I have not lost that desire, but I hope this is a reminder to me that whether things are good, bad, or OK, I still need Christ, every day.  And not only that, but I need to focus on the real meaning of us being here.  And that is to spread the gospel and prepare for eternity with our Lord.

Sometimes my mind goes to the awesome reality of heaven and Audrey being there, and then I start thinking about who she knows.  Of course my first thoughts go to those I know who have died, but then I start to fathom the realness that she knows the thief who was on the cross beside Jesus!  She knows all those people we study and learn about in God's Word, and possibly more who were not even mentioned.
And she knows Jesus Christ!

God has left me here and I believe it is for a reason, but I am looking for the day when He is ready for us all to be together again.  I am very ready to know my daughter, and even more ready to see Jesus.

Just think of stepping on shore, and finding it heaven!
Of touching a hand, and finding it God's.
Of breathing new air, and finding it celestial,
Of waking up in Glory, and finding it HOME.



  1. I love this picture of you two!! Someday it will be like that forever.

  2. The reality of heaven is such an awesome thing, isn't it? Sometimes I catch myself longing for heaven more because I know Olivia is there instead of because Jesus is there. So many things have been revealed in my heart because of grief, which I'm sure you can relate to. As the days go by, more and more things will come into focus for you....